She looks like a great mom. You might think she is a great mom, but she is flawed. And the flaws are big. I try to be even tempered but sometimes having a child brings out the worst in you. Jackson is completely overwhelming me; his needs are constant. He never stops talking, the whining can be painful and yet he is turning into this fun boy whom I love to spend time with.
So to be honest, yesterday and today I was a bad mom. Yesterday I said, "I am not going to yell at you but you have got to calm down and stop crying." Yes, in hindsight, I said this while yelling. He was upset and crying because Harrison was home throwing up and his dad had stayed home too. He could not understand why he and I had to go to school, but they got to stay home.
Mornings at our house are so stressful. Getting four people dressed and out of the house by 7am is impossible. I might as well be trying to end the war in Iraq. I mean, no matter how much planning I do the night before and how early I get up, those last 15 minutes before we leave are chaos. Then this morning, while driving and drinking cold coffee, I threatened to break his CD in half if I had to listen to Eddie Rabbit sing, "I love a Rainy Night" one more time. Nice huh? Who is the three year old - me or him? Maybe he is learning his temper tantrums from me - might be something I need to think about. Hum. Do you think one brief, bad mom moment a day is okay? If he has a short attention span, maybe he has a short memory too? Wishful thinking.
Please tell me this is normal... Do you remember life before kids and smile? Does anyone else remember a morning where you had hot coffee and read the newspaper with no background noise? Or I can remember spending the whole day in my PJs while watching an entire day of "The Real World" marathon on MTV. You know, the good "Real World" - the one in NY or the one with Puck. Wow, I get all warm and fuzzy just thinking about those moments. What are some of your "good Ol' day memories?"
I feel compelled to say that I love my kids. Why is it that whenever we talk honestly we feel like we have to remind people that we really do love our kids? Shouldn't everyone already know that? Does speaking honestly really jeopardize an entire relationship?
On another note, I waited tables at Pappasito's on I-10 many, many years ago with a dear friend, Brene. She has gone on and really made something of herself. I thought she was pretty great 15 years ago (wish I had some old, dated picture to upload of us) - but now she is a rock star. You know, one of those friends that makes you feel like a better person. Check out her blog. Add it to your favorites. http://ordinarycourage.squarespace.com/ Her honesty and friendship bring me joy - I hope they bring you joy too!
